A Few Dumb Men
A Scene We Should All Be Thinking About Right Now
LTJG Kaffee: Major Hegseth! Did you order the second strike?!
Judge: You don’t have to answer that question!
Maj. Hegseth: I’ll answer the question.
You want answers?
LTJG Kaffee: I think I’m entitled to them.
Maj. Hegseth: You want answers?!
LTJG Kaffee: I want the truth!
Maj. Hegseth: You can’t handle the truth!
Son, we live in a world that has social media, and that feed has to be fed by men willing to pump out content on a 24/7 cycle to keep the proles cheering.
Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Weinberg?
I carry responsibilities you can’t begin to fathom. You cry foul over a second strike and clutch your pearls about “escalation.” You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know — that explosions make excellent content, that nothing juices the algorithm like fire on the horizon and a patriotic lower third.
Deep down, in places you pretend you don’t scroll at 3AM, you want me juicing that feed — you need me juicing that feed.
We use words like “national security,” “strong leadership,” “decisive action.” You use them as punchlines, memes, dunk-fodder. I use them as the spine of a job I have to do to help our side win elections.
I don’t have the time or the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the warm glow of engagement metrics I generate and then questions the manner in which I generate them.
I’d prefer you just hit “like” and moved on. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a camera, stand a post, and try to feed that beast yourself.
Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to.
LTJG Kaffee: DID YOU ORDER THE SECOND STRIKE?!
Maj. Hegseth:
YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT I DID!